I crept into my front yard under the cover of darkness and started pulling out tufts of overgrown grass.
I didn’t want my neighbours to see me – several of whom have offered to loan me their lawn mowers. The kind, compassionate monsters!
A few months back I’d made the decision to purchase an old-school push mower. I thought I’d save on petrol. I thought I’d get a workout. I didn’t think ‘This is going to make my lawn look like a three-year-old who’s cut their own hair.’
Equal parts stubborn and embarrassed, I turned down my neighbours’ offers, and sporadically attempted to sort the lawn out. (Side note: a friend once said to me ‘You usually end up making the right decision, but only after you’ve tried out every single wrong one along the way.’)
My haphazard garden maintenance came to a head yesterday when, after a day off spent trying to wrap my head around my uni essay (psychology, LOLZ), I received a very polite and reasonable request from my agent to tidy the yard. I spiralled.
The polite request became ‘I’ll never get another lease’ which became ‘I’ll be priced out of the area’ which became ‘And don’t even start on when my studio lease is up for renewal’ which became ‘I’m failing at life’. Which turned into the shame gardening…
The thing is, even as I was spiralling. And even as I got the scissors out and started cutting at particularly stubborn tufts of grass. There was a second, kinder voice (yep, it’s crowded up there) saying ‘This is an entirely appropriate response your body is having to stress and overwhelm.’
I mean, not the shame gardening. That’s weird. But the anxiety itself. I felt overwhelmed because I am overwhelmed. Uni, small business, COVID/flu/Monkeypox, social media, a tendency to medicate with caffeine. It’s a lot. My nervous system isn’t designed to function well in a near-constant state of activation. Your nervous system isn’t designed to function well in a near-constant state of activation.
And yes, yoga and meditation will help, absolutely. But it won’t make you immune to the human experience. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is to validate your body’s response as it spirals.
This post is for anyone who’s feeling overwhelmed with life, who then judges themself for feeling overwhelmed.
For those who are anxious, chances are your body is having an entirely appropriate response. I hope you find your own shame gardening – if for no other reason than so you can have a giggle about it when the storm passes. And it will pass.
Join me September 10th, 3-5:30PM, for the new event Meeting Your Energy Body.
**Early bird pricing available until August 27th. Instalments available. Link in bio.**
Are you interested in incorporating energy healing into your own personal yoga and meditation practice? Join Carry Om Yoga owner and energetics practitioner Natalie to learn how to sense your energetic field in a grounded, safe and boundaried way.
By getting better acquainted with your energy body you’ll begin to regulate your nervous system, connect to your deeper layers of consciousness, shift old stories, and even heal ancestral patterns.
This 2.5 hour event is designed for you discover your own unique way of sensing your energy body.
When: Sept 10 3-5:30PM
Where: Carry Om Yoga Wynnum
Investment: Early bird price $45, regular price $50
Limited to 10 attendees.